I woke up about 45 – 50 minutes ago, with the words , reflections & connections vibrating in my head, related very much to how I spent my day yesterday.
I had no intention of writing this post or the content, here and now, I won’t say it’s not something I would not have written about in the future in a different way or format or perhaps just in a diary, and perhaps its as my dad said , “cart before horse “material,
but on the other hand , my mum used to tell me follow your intuition and my mum, was the wisest woman I have ever known, my guardian, my angel.
Frankly I don’t care if you believe what I am about to write or not, it’s very personal , highly charged with emotion and I share it only because of those vibrating words, reflections & connections, and I guess, because its relevant to The Hethen Project, which is about raising awareness of mental health issues, and the disparity in the difference of how mental health patients and physical health patients are treated.
Furthermore, its related to the birth of the Hethen project, and previous posts that go back to 2008/10 when my pages were called “justice uk style”
These entries where basically describing where I ws back then and undoubtable a cry for help that largly went unheard regarding what I beleive to be violations of my human rights & what went on to become crimes of violance and abuses against me.
These incidents, coincidently will see their 8th anniversary in next few days, and which are probably why I have been on an emotional roller coaster of triggers to what I suggest is PTSD, for the last couple of months, coupled with other personal triggers related to mental health /illness within my family unit. These issues will be discussed in my autobiography “A girl from Glasgow” which I hope to publish in order to fund the Hethen Project strategy. ….
So, related to my random, unplanned journey yesterday, which I don’t care if you believe or not, as some of what I am about to say can be supported by evidence, some can’t , and these that can’t I can’t explain, and all I suggest you can do in that respect, is analyse what I say, and reach your own conclusion as to what possible benefit there is in it for me in lying about it, including the consequences for me of the stigma attached to my assertions. remembering that this is MY TRUTH, and I don’t give a fuck if you believe me or not.
So, here we go, sit back and come with me on my random journey….where you get to decide if its truth or the workings of my creative imagination.
Yesterday morning I woke around 7.30ish maybe a little before or a little later , but I’ve been regulating my sleep pattern as mentioned in an earlier post, and that even coupled with a bit of an emotional roller coaster this past week, I’ve been off the cigarettes since I went to the chemist and got pissed off over the patches issue, iv just been using the wee plastic stick thing, and even then I’ve only been changing the capsule about every 3_ 4 days (cos it’s mostly psychological after 3 days) when the nicotine I think is mostly gone, except what I’m using to substitute to deal with the cravings, the addiction. I had a brief couple of days relapse, about 5 day in, I was borderline manic, and thrwat with emotions, and tearful, but I been cigerette free since saturday, I know I’m not out the woods yet, but I’m confident. Anyway that’s by the bye. so, yesterday…
As I sat drinking my tea and munching a slice of toast, I looked out on my balcony and there was a wee robin red breast having breakfast, I took a picture, but its not very good because of the rain on the window panes, I was very emotional. I recently found out, only a few months ago, that robins remind my daughter of my mum, her gran, who passed away in 1997. So, yeah, My heartfelt tight, as we had breakfast, silently together in my mind. Continue reading “An unplanned, random journey home.”